Cabin Fever

You know you have been inside too long when your two year old wants to leave with every person he sees and wants to go outside even though it's 20 degrees. My mom was wonderful today as she watched the twins while I and Joshua took a break and went to the mall. I am trying to take every advantage of help while it lasts. I know one day everyone else will get back to their lives and I will be here - still trying to adjust. Jared is in Miami today, attending his grandfather's funeral, which turned out to be not so bad. We both found out that a few months ago he accepted Christ as his savior. Though I did not know him, Jared thought he would be the last one to trust our Heavenly Father for anything. How God can work in ways that we do not understand - but are thankful for. Speaking of things we do not understand - the past week has proved to be financially overwhelming. Before the babies, I managed the finances for the family; creating a budget and paying off credit cards. Recently, I have given the responsibility back to Jared for the time being. It seems that everyday we have received a medical bill in the mail. Having two babies is not just twice the cost, but about four times the cost. One would think that insurance would be good for something, but I haven't quit pinpointed that something just yet. I pray that God would bring us through these times - as he has before - and that he would teach us to be smart managers of his money. Thinking of our hard earned money as His really puts things in perspective. May God also be with Jared now as he is making financial decisions for his family.

Day Out

Today marked our first outing as a five-member family. It was only to the doctor's office, but hey, that's an outing, right? Both boys are gaining significant amounts of weight and the nurse practitioner said I didn't have to wake them every three hours at night to feed them. That sounded really good to me. We still have lots of help around the house (my mom and husband are off this week) which makes me worried about the times that I am going to be home alone - with three children. I think I will soon find out because my husband's grandfather died yesturday and he is planning on flying down to Miami for the funeral. I pray for that family. I don't think that his grandfather was saved. That makes things even harder. That also makes me grateful for my family, knowing that my husband and the members of his and my family will be in heaven with me someday. As a mother, I constantly pray for my children, that they would find Jesus at a young age. May the Lord shine a bright light through me that would be a revelation to my kids. That is my biggest fear - that my kids will not know Jesus. That's pretty much my purpose in life, right? To glorify God so much so that those around me have no choice but to see His righteousness and faithfulness. And how faithful is He? Constantly he reveals his wonderful love - through the babies being in the NICU, through our friends who have brought us food every night, through family who have shown so much love and support. How I pray that one day I can show God's love to other's as the people around me have shown his love to me.

Week 2

Today begins week 2 of babies in the NICU. I am so grateful for my family, that they care to take me to the hospital and watch Joshua while Jared is at work. The doctor told us today that Peyton and Landen are progressing well and might be able to come home soon. Finally, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I feel like I have been in a waiting game. I definitely do not want to take them home too early, but I hate feeling split between my children. I am full of anticipation and fear for the future. Will I be able to handle it? Will we be able to afford it? I know God is my provider and he wants me to stay at home, but it is hard living in a new house and relying on one income. I am thankful that my husband has a secure job. I pray that the Lord will give me strength to make it through this week no matter the outcome of the babies arrival. I also pray for the continued progression of Peyton and Landen. Just one more hump - feeding - and they will be home free. Then the chaos truly begins.

My Joshua

So today begins week 2, or day 8, of my stay at the hospital. I cannot help but to worry about the affects of this stay and the new babies on my Joshua. I hope and pray that all three of us will soon adopt Landen and Peyton into our family as we did two years ago with Joshua. I think we will be going home tomorrow as well, leaving my two little ones here at the hospital. Though I know it is best, I feel as though I need to be with them every second to watch the nurses and to learn how to manage two preemie babies. The NICU nurse has proved to be lots of help though. She has taught me how to successfully feed, change, and warm the babies. I am hoping that my feelings of inadequacies will cease before long. "Take it ten minutes at a time" I read in my Twins book the other day. I pray that God will show me what this means as well as show me how to include Joshua into our new lives.

Wow Hormones

It is 9:00 pm. The end of day 2 after surgery. The babies are still in the NICU but are holding their own. Peyton is eating well, keeping his temperature, and has been moved out of the warming bed into a cart. Landen is still having trouble with his temperature, but is eating well. Upstairs in my room, I am feeling very jittery and hormonal. I feel like I want to sleep, but can't and I want to walk around, but there is really nowhere to go. I have to keep reminding myself that each day will get easier taking care of the boys and each day I will feel better. Let me just say, for the record, how I hate hormones and not feeling balanced. The babies will stay in the NICU longer than we will stay in the hospital so I am hoping that the in between time will give my body a chance to heal before the chaos begins. My mother has been a treat and a blessing, for she has volunteered to help with the boys and is already making a sign up sheet for others to help as well. How grateful I am to have a loving and caring family who will drop things for my needs. I pray today that God would give me the hope and comfort that I need to make it through the next days and weeks and that I would be able to show God's love to others as others have shown such love to me. Thanks be to God for my children.

About Me

I am normally not the journalling type; you know - too busy to think about my own thoughts. I realize that my thoughts have been boiling and maybe a good way to categorize my emotions is to blog. I am 24 from Arlington, Texas. I have a wonderful husband and a beautiful two year old boy. Life day-to-day is, well, "interesting". I work part-time as a director of a learning center and love to teach and learn. One of my favorite things about my life is my Sunday School class. Never in my life have I experienced God's love so fully and pure as I have in the past year from my class. You think, your family is supposed to love and take care of you, but these people, my friends have constantly gone out of thier way to show love and support to my family. 2008 was a hard year and 2009 is not proving to be any easier.