Progress

There are times (sometimes they are few and far between) as a mother when you think, "It is all worth it for this moment in my child's life." The crying, the whining, the timeouts, the bedtimes, the bathtimes, the eating - as hard as those things are it only takes one special moment to overcompensate for how hard it is to be a mother. This week I have been blessed to be a part of good times with all my kids. My twins are so tiny and I thought that they were going to be small for a long time. But after bath last night I pulled preemie clothes out and neither of them fit! Could it be? That my teensie babies are really growing? Yes! They are in 0-3 month clothing. I know this doesn't seem like a big feat but as a mom it's quite exciting. To know that I am feeding them enough and they are nourished and happy and well is all I have hoped for since they have come out of the NICU. They are getting big and still so precious.
My other happy moment was with Joshua today. He has been fighting dressing and diaper changes for what seems like forever. So today I said, "Okay, let's put your cars underwear on" and he was ecstatic. So after an hour of playing in just his undies and 20 billion "Do you need to potty?" he did it. He just sat down casually and went in the potty chair. Now his undies were still on but oh well - he went in the potty! This has been the most daunting feat (for me) of raising kids, but we might make it through. So after he went potty, we took his potty to the toilet and flushed it and high fived and it was amazing.
So, no, I am not saving the world. But for once in a blue moon my kids look pretty good. It makes being a mother, staying at home, being poor, being that 'woman with all the kids' worth it.

Two

I wasn't really disturbed by the saying "terrible twos" until now. Staying at home is quite a task. Sure, there are plenty of things to do, but I also have to keep three kids entertained. I am lucky that two of them sleep most of the time right now. Today, Joshua is about to drive me straight up the wall. My adult mind wants him to do things on my schedule and the way that I want it done. Are my expectations too high? Probably. We were going to go to the mall and play this morning (because, yes, it's still winter) and it took us, like, an hour and a half to get ready. And then we ended up not even going. Frustrated? Definitely. I pray that God gives me patience. On top of that, Jared worked an extra job last night so he left at five last night and returned at nine this morning. Now I kind of know what it's like to be a single parent. Part of me keeps thinking, "Okay, only a month and a half til I go back to work." I pray that God gives me purpose and joy while I am at home. I keep trying to distract myself with things that will make me busy. I keep trying to find things for Joshua to do to keep him busy. What's the answer here? Am I just not meant for home life? I pray that God will show me joy and contentment in staying at home. Being a mom is great; being a stay at home mom is a different story.

The Homefront

Last night initiated my husband's new schedule - deep nights. He left at ten and returned at seven-thirty. What do I think about this? I kind of like it. Face it. I am extremely used to sleeping alone and it was really nice having him home at night. We had dinner together and I didn't have to put my two-year old to bed by myself. And, by the way, is this why I earned my degree? To deal with potty training (of which we are having no success) and making sure my child stays in bed at night? I guess so. I was concerned that I would be found without purpose after the twins came (like I felt after Joshua came) but I am actually enjoying the stay at home mom thing. We all four went to the doctor yesterday and we went to the MAC on Monday without Dad and we were fine. What "they" say about mother's emotions are reflected in children is completely true. I have found (at least for the moment) that if I stay calm, my children will stay calm.
It is nice also that Jared is sleeping and I got Joshua to lie down with him in bed - so no screaming from the other room today. Yay! Really I should be organizing our office/ game room. That is on my agenda this week and I have made no progress thus far. Where to start is the looming question. I guess we'll see what gets done.

The Beginning

Today my husband went back to work. So begins my first day alone with three kids. What an adventure. I keep thinking, "How am I ever going to do it alone?" But then I remind myself to stay calm and take it a little bit at a time. My little bit right now is that my 2 year old is down for a nap and I am listening to the twins grunt at each other. I am thankful for the weather today because I know I can send Joshua outside to play and that will occupy much of the afternoon. Though I know it will be hard on my husband, I am secretly hoping that he will be able to change his shift to deep nights, or 12 to 8, so he can be with me at night. Ever since he began his career as a policeman, I have dreamed of dinners together. I have settled with lunch and found a part-time job in the evenings. Partly to avoid nights without him. I never realized how much harder nights alone are than mornings. There always seems to be something to do in the mornings - grocery shopping, doctor's appointments, play dates, etc - that is almost impossible to do in the evenings.
Anyway, I have found several things to fill our schedules as a newly stay at home mom. First, library time is on Thursdays - that will be good for Joshua. Bible study is on Wednesdays - which will be good for me and Joshua. The MAC has toddler time on Mondays and Wednesdays. I find myself attempting to fill the schedule because my 2 year old has recently found the art of violence. My limited knowledge of preschool psychology leads me to believe it is caused by the babies and he is vying for attention. How do I deal with this? Well, for starters, I am filling the schedule. I have a hard time getting angry with him because I feel it is just in reaction to something I brought into his life. I just pray that daily he (and I) get more and more comfortable with the babies and make them a part of our lives.