easier

Until recently, I have been a middle-of-the-road kind of person. I have opted out of activities because it was more comfortable to not participate. I had very low expectations of others because I did not want them to let me down. I also had very low expectations of myself because I did not want to feel guilty for letting others down. I felt it was easier not to make friends than to make friends and be disappointed. Or worse, disappoint them. Since Jared and I have joined FBC, I feel many of my inhibitions have been freed. I think part of it is desperation. Part of it is feeling more comfortable with myself as a person and friend. Part of it is allowing God to move in me. Really, if I never got intimate with anyone, how could God work through me? If I never got intimate with anyone, how could God work in me through others?
So, I (or we, I should say; including Jared) have been putting myself out there. Allowing my flaws to be shown. Allowing others into our personal lives to share. Why? Honestly, I am tired of making life easy and comfortable. Nobody gets or keeps a relationship with easy and comfortable. One example is my running buddy, Catherine. I have wanted to run a half-marathon for a long time, and now that I am never (thank God!) going to be pregnant again, I can train for one. So, I put myself out there. I asked her to run with me. And, we have been running together for about two months. Every Saturday. It wasn't easy or comfortable to ask, but it was worth it.
Tonight, we had a girls night. I love those girls. I wasn't going to go because Jared and I are down to our last pennies of the month and we have a mortgage coming. Needless to say, we had no money for a movie. Well, I get a text about five saying that they had an extra ticket. Such great friends to think of me. So, I dropped the clan off at the in-laws and went to the movies. Nothing special, just girls seeing a girly movie. But it was wonderful. I know for a fact that I would not have friends like that if I had not put myself out there. What a difference some vulnerability can make. Thank the Lord that I can share random life with people who care, and they are not my family.Thank the Lord that I have friends who are Christians and they have the same goals in their life/family/marriage as I do in mine. Thank the Lord that he has saved me from insanity by putting amazing people in my life. I pray that the Lord will work through me to bless the people he has put in my life. That my words and actions will be uplifting, encouraging, and loving.

Clarify

I am writing this blog, not to journal, but to clarify my last entry. Apparently people really do think that my marriage is falling apart and that we desperately need money. None of the things I listed are true, they are meant to be exaggerations. Let me clarify a few things: Life is hard. It's even harder when you have three kids under the age of three, a husband who works a lot, and a wife who does not. Our family, and marriage, are not perfect by any means, but we are all in it together. Life is hard. One of the reasons I began to blog was, and still is, to release some of the unneeded tensions. Life is hard - and that is what I mainly blog about. Life is also amazing. God has blessed me with a wonderful family, husband, house, and life. Life is hard; God is good. My prayer is that God would use this blog to reflect His movement in my life and to help others come closer to him.