Change

Oh, how God has changed my heart in the past four months. Last weekend, my mother (yes, my mother) graduated from college. This has been thirty years in the making and I am so proud of her. Of course, going to the graduation and walking around the campus I once, too, attended, reminded me of my own degree and college experience. How time flies. Just two short years ago, I was walking across the same stage receiving a diploma of my own. Since that time, I have not done a thing with it, except get a raise at work. But, that's the way God changed me. It's ironic to me that just as my mother is beginning to face the world after staying at home, I am leaving the world to stay at home. Much of me wonders why she wants, so badly, to become a career woman when clearly she does not need to. But, that's the way God changed her.
Recently, the Lord has taught me that my impact outside of my home is not as great as my impact on my home. He has taught me to have joy as a mother and wife. He has given me peace and contentment with the everyday, as I once thought the mundane. The Lord has taught me how to trust my husband to completely provide for our family. Most of all, the Lord has given me such a great love for my family that I don't feel the need to work anymore. This being said, last week, I gave Marca my notice. I told her that I could work through the summer, but after that I would be finished. What do I think of this? Part of me feels relief. The other feels regret. Logically, my income does nothing and I am asking my tired husband to watch three boys, which is no small task. Emotionally, I love my job and I love the continual learning, growing, and helping. So, what is my solution? Prayer right now. Marca asked me to work just one day a week. I am not sure what my response will be. I pray that the Lord will guide me through this neverending work battle and I will be confident enough to follow through with His decision.

case of the mondays

Every Monday since the twins arrived home, my Granmom has heroically saved me. She comes promptly at ten to aid with laundry, dishes, chores, lunch, feedings, and reading. Monday is definitely my favorite day of the week because I feel that I am not alone. I feel that someone else understands and is truly helpful. Truly helpful to me is someone who knows exactly what you need and, with no words, does exactly what needs to be done. This is Granmom to a T. We have such a system down now, it feels almost easy to begin the week. Not only do I get my laundry done every week, I get to spend a little alone time with Joshua. Though he is a good big brother, he misses being an only child. Sometimes I miss having time alone with him. So we go to the store, to the mall, to Matt's store (which happens every week, no doubt), anywhere. Because we are alone, and we can do whatever we want. It's kind of mother-son bonding time. When this happens, I am more intuned with Joshua and he somehow becomes my sweet boy again. I only bring up these glorious Mondays because this Monday was not like other Mondays. Granmom, and Pop, travelled to celebrate their anniversary, which left me alone on Monday. I truly was paranoid that absolutely nothing was going to get done. Suffice it to say, my mother came in to rescue the morning. So, all was well. We didn't quite get all the laundry done, but I had help in the chaos - that's all that matters.
As for other matters in life, I am praying praying about work. God has completely overcompensated for my income by providing a well-paying extra job for Jared. Lord, give me the strength to do the best thing for my family. Give me confidence in your future and your plans for me.

spring garden

In early March, I finally tackled the horrendous flower bed out front. After hours and hours of pulling, digging, and replanting, I found that this flowerbed had not been touched for years. I soon realized that when workers are building a house, instead of using a trash can, they just sweep everything into the flowerbed. So I found brick and wrappers among the weeds and grass. So, here we are, two months later, and I am still battling the weeds and grass. I feel this will be a long war, that I am determined to win, no doubt. Some progress has been made, though. Those two months ago, I did plant bulbs of calla lilies, day lilies, caladiums, and others. I have been watching and waiting for those rustic bulbs to burst into beautiful flowers. Well, spring has sprung. My day lillies are about to burst with color and I am so anxious.
The changing of the seasons is occurring in our home, too. My little preemie babies are growing and bursting with life. As hard as motherhood is, seeing your children begin to express themselves and develop their own personalities is amazing. Seeing it twice at the same time is even more amazing. Landen and Peyton are proving to be more than just eaters and sleepers. Landen is a people-pleaser. He is the first one to smile at a guest and the first to cuddle in another's arms. Peyton is quite the opposite. Jared says he is a huge mama's boy - even more so than Joshua. He almost throws a fit anytime someone other than 'mama' feeds him. he will not smile at other people unless they really entertain him. He is gonna be a pickle - I can feel it. But I know that he is going to be really exciting, too.
May God continue to bless my boys with health and give me a new love for them each day.

Impose

Really, does the government need to put its dirty paws in every aspect of our lives? I have been watching the news religiously every morning for the past few months and am literally appalled at some of the things that are happening. For example, today, President Obama is giving a speech about the swine flu "epidemic". Really!? There have been a total of ten cases in the United States, of which, have been treated. So, do we have to hear about it from the president? The president who should be speaking is Chavez; his country is the one where over one hundred people have died because of the flu.
Not to mention, the other things Obama has been claiming as his own. Just to name a few:

• bailing out numerous companies such as GM, AIG, Chrysler, Bank of America
• apologizing to European countries for U.S. past actions
• calling America "arrogant"
• telling Chrysler to merge with Fiat
• upping the tobacco tax by 250%
• calling interrogation methods by CIA illegal
• holding responsible those who practiced these methods while legal
• holding responsible those who gave legal advice about these methods
• pulling out of Gitmo
• pulling out of Iran and Iraq
• asking the Middle East and European countries to get rid of their nuclear weapons
• devising a plan to disassemble our nuclear weapons despite the fact that other countries are launching nuclear weapons (so-called satellites) into the sea
• Saying (para Hilary Clinton) that the happenings in Pakistan are Pakistani business and not our own despite the fact that the Taliban is taking over the government and police force and the country has upped its plutonium manufacturing
• Signing a billion-dollar spending plan without Congress even seeing the bill
• Signing a trillion-dollar budget with over 3,000 earmarks
• cutting spending only in the defense program when people in Arizona got a million dollars for cricket control in the parks
  

And this is just to name a few. Well, people voted for him because they wanted change. Is this change really good for our country and economy? I guess we will see. I just wish this experiment was not at the expense of my tax dollars. I feel that he is weakening our country's standing in the world, and if the downfall of this super power is coming, it is coming soon because of him. You don't bow to the king of other countries and expect him to respect America or like it more. You don't go around apologizing for American actions and promote peace and expect everyone else to follow suit. There are people who desperately want to hurt America and Americans and feelings are not going to change just because we have a black president and he speaks well. God, bless us. No. God, have mercy on us.
Okay, my rant is over.

O, the Day

Will there ever be a day when something gets done on the list? I feel like the bathroom has sat unfinished for weeks! I keep thinking, "Okay, tomorrow we'll get it done." But tomorrow comes and goes and the tile is still not grouted and the paint is still not finished. This weekend was so busy, Joshua ended up with an overworked fever last night - poor guy. We put too many things into one weekend. I found myself screaming, "Can we, please, get back to our routine!" We didn't even get to spend proper time with our family members because we were so exhausted come Sunday afternoon. Needless to say, Jared worked Saturday night so he was of no use to anyone - poor guy. Sometimes I feel bad for making him work nights, but I know that this is best for our family right now.
Since yesterday was Easter, I saw many people at church that I do not usually see; like my friend from high school, Bethany. Though her family comes to church at FBC, she, her husband and children do not attend. They are what you call the twice-a-year Christians. Easter and Christmas are their 'church' days. Fortunately, in SS, Kirk told us to pray for those people in our section during church. So, obediently, and very convicted, I prayed for Bethany and her sister Brook and their families that I would be a light to them. Jared has invited Jeremy, Bethany's husband, countless time to play basketball and he has never come. But I thank God that he has put that family in our lives. I just hope that we can make a difference. I pray that God would give me timing and an opportunity to invite her to something or just to be a friend when she needs one. Sometimes I feel silly for trying to impose Christ on other people's lives, but isn't that what I am called to do?! It's about time I get off my butt and start being a witness for Christ and fulfilling my obligation in this world. I just pray that my own insecurities don't get in the way of what the Lord has for me.