Change

Oh, how God has changed my heart in the past four months. Last weekend, my mother (yes, my mother) graduated from college. This has been thirty years in the making and I am so proud of her. Of course, going to the graduation and walking around the campus I once, too, attended, reminded me of my own degree and college experience. How time flies. Just two short years ago, I was walking across the same stage receiving a diploma of my own. Since that time, I have not done a thing with it, except get a raise at work. But, that's the way God changed me. It's ironic to me that just as my mother is beginning to face the world after staying at home, I am leaving the world to stay at home. Much of me wonders why she wants, so badly, to become a career woman when clearly she does not need to. But, that's the way God changed her.
Recently, the Lord has taught me that my impact outside of my home is not as great as my impact on my home. He has taught me to have joy as a mother and wife. He has given me peace and contentment with the everyday, as I once thought the mundane. The Lord has taught me how to trust my husband to completely provide for our family. Most of all, the Lord has given me such a great love for my family that I don't feel the need to work anymore. This being said, last week, I gave Marca my notice. I told her that I could work through the summer, but after that I would be finished. What do I think of this? Part of me feels relief. The other feels regret. Logically, my income does nothing and I am asking my tired husband to watch three boys, which is no small task. Emotionally, I love my job and I love the continual learning, growing, and helping. So, what is my solution? Prayer right now. Marca asked me to work just one day a week. I am not sure what my response will be. I pray that the Lord will guide me through this neverending work battle and I will be confident enough to follow through with His decision.